When NOFX booked two sold out shows at Irving Plaza a few weeks ago, I was not surprised. When people showed up in droves from places as far as Australia and South Jersey, I was still not surprised. But when NOFX played a solid set of songs I haven't heard in years (and never expected to hear from them these days) I was, of course, surprised.
While the teenage douchebags next to me wouldn't quit chit-chatting and flashing their goodies, I was trying my best to ignore them and rock out to some classic NOFX dingers like “Bob” and “Eat The Meek,” along with the more standard stuff—“Dinosaurs Will Die,” “Murder The Government” and “The Brews” to name a few. The one or two songs I didn't know happened to be the ones those annoying kids knew every word to. Figures.

Between songs, Fat Mike and El Hefe discussed the real pressing issues of our time—valium, Mexicans and Sarah Palin's alleged shit-eating fetish. Fat Mike got hit with a couple shoes, and some poor sap made the unholy mistake of proposing to his girlfriend on stage. I think she said no.

They closed out with “Reeko," and having been thoroughly satisfied, I didn't even stick around to see if they played an encore. It's awesome to know that NOFX, arguably one of the best/worst bands ever, are still doing their thing after 25 years and looking better than ever. They might be a bunch of over-the-hill punks, but they don't give a damn. And they really don't suck live.

Before the show, I got to chill with Eric Melvin who, along with having technicolor dreadlocks, is NOFX's vocally challenged, string shredding guitarist and occasional accordionist.        

BRM: Do you remember the first time you guys played New York?
Melvin: First time we ever played New York, we played in some place...I guess some area of the city called The Avenues?

Alphabet City?
Sounds right...

Really shitty area?
Really shitty area! And it was my first time in New York, and I was kinda looking around going, “Oh shit...there's all these buildings and there's nobody in 'em.” It was just serious, like some apocalyptic shit. Freaky, 'cause I was used to L.A. Downtown L.A. is very different, but the rest of L.A.'s all big spread out suburbs, so there's people everywhere. And then we get to this place The Avenues, and we played, well...we were gonna see if they were gonna let us play. RKL [Rich Kids on LSD] and The Melvins were on tour together, and we were gonna hook up there, and they were gonna see if they could let us play. It was like fifteen people, besides the band, so there wasn't that many people...I don't even know if it was an actual venue of any kind, besides just an empty room. It might have been some place that we squatted.

This guy said, “Hey man, I'll take you down to Bleecker Street and we'll check out Bleecker Bob's and look at records,” and I'm like, “Fuck yea, let's go!” So we're walking around, as you do in the city, and he goes, “Hey, uhhh this block, we gotta walk in the street,” and I'm like, “Walk in the street? Why?” He goes, “Well, if we walk on the sidewalk someone might stab us.” I was like, “OK. I love this town, man!” [laughs]

Over the years, coming back...the city's changed a lot...I didn't even realize the politics were so heavily involved. I guess when Giuliani got into office the city cleaned up a lot. According to a lot of people it like, lost it's flavor. I still think it's an amazing place, you know? Everyone's busy, everyone's doing something...

Or at least pretending to...
Yea, that's probably it. [laughs] In a way it's a lot like L.A. like that...they're actually living their dreams—living some kinda dream, right? Their dreaming that that's their life I guess. Everyone thinks they're an actor, everyone's been in some kinda part. There was a time also when there was a lotta discussion about California people versus East Coast people, L.A. people versus NY people. How L.A. people are really friendly but really fake, and New York people—not so friendly but real. And I think that New York people are really nice.

The TV Show... Backstage Passport...How does it feel to tour all those sketchy countries for practically nothing, then coming to New York where kids will pay 25 bucks to see you even in an economic crisis?
It's weird to think about how...like Lima, Peru—the show didn't even happen, and those poor kids. We don't really know if any of em got their money back.

That was the one with the...
The one with the riot cops, yea. I wasn't even really there. What kids will do to get into a show, they'll get the money somehow. It's amazing. And how much more it means to them. And then coming here and a lotta things go by the book and really safe, and I gotta admit that I kinda like that. But yea, then you get that comfort zone and it can get a little boring.

Are you still having as much fun as you did back in the day?
I think so. I still have fun being on stage with these guys playing this music. It's just so much fun, and it's still fun. It's just yea, sometimes a little bit of the stuff that happens before and a little bit of the stuff that happens after, it's all happened before. You know, people standing around... fortunately in New York we have a lotta friends.

Is the song "Gonoherpasyphlaids" based in truth? Did you guys get a lotta STDs back in the day?
I don't wanna out, but the leader of the STD awards was probably our drummer, Erik Sandin [a.k.a. Smelly], 'cause the ladies loved him. I know that [Fat] Mike or Smelly had the first STD of anyone I knew, and I remember hearing about them having to put a Q-tip up his dick, and the test was awful. And I'm pretty sure like an epidemic of crabs [broke out] in our van. Somebody got it, I don't know how, but then we all just had it.

Have you ever seen the website that claims you guys are part of some Zionist conspiracy against gentiles?
[laughs] No. That is awesome!

Are there any other misconceptions about NOFX that you wanna clear up?
Let me see. I think there's been more stuff written about us that turned out to be true, than stuff that was made up. I think we were in Australia and there was this rumor...something on the internet that I had died. I made sure to call my family at home like, “Do you hear me speaking to you? OK good, 'cause I read online that I was dead.” [laughs]

Have you guys ever considered making another raw record like the Fuck The Kids and Surfer EPs?

We actually just did. We were in the studio practicing some of the new songs, and we covered...I can't even remember right now. Anyway, we thought it would be fun to do all these old hardcore songs that we all love...

Why the hell did you ever decide to play the accordion?
I hate that thing, man. That accordion sucks so bad. [laughs] Obviously, it's not the accordion that sucks so bad, it's me that sucks so bad. We did the song [“Theme From A NOFX Album”] and Mike's wife's dad, or uncle maybe...played the accordion. So Mike asked him to come in and record it. That wasn't me on the record. But we wanted to do it live, so I had to learn the accordion to do the song. I only know like four chords...when I started to practice, to figure it out, it's really interesting 'cause you're like a one man band. You're playing the bass, which is like a rhythm on one side, and then you play the melody on the other, and I'm like, “This is pretty cool, actually.” So I tried to practice a lot and get better. That didn't happen, though.

If you went bald on top, would you keep the male-pattern dreadlocks?
I probably would. I'd have to at least see how it looks. Isn't that what happened to that guy from Faith No More?

Mike Patton?
No, the guitar player. Nobody knows that guy's name.

How come NOFX has never been on The Simpsons?
I know! We so should be. When we were mastering, I think it was Heavy Petting Zoo, we were at a mastering studio, and it was like this complex of studios...and we knew this guy that worked there. Long story short, he said the guys were recording the audio for The Simpsons next door...they like invited you to come in and listen in. So we went in there, it's like a regular recording studio—guys sitting behind a mixing board—but then in the main recording room, it's all the guys like Harry Shearer and what's-his-name...sitting around a bunch of chairs with mics in front of 'em just reading. It was so funny. I heard that there's a scene somewhere in one Simpsons where they're panning across a wall of graffiti and it says something about Fat Mike or El Hefe or something.

If you had a microphone and the whole world was listening, what would you say?
Bitch, be cool. Maybe I'd leave out the bitch. Be cool...


words and photo by Kyle Timlin